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it was snowing and you were kind of beautiful
we were in the city and every time i looked up
someone was leaning out a window, staring at me
i could tell you liked me a lot or maybe even loved me
but you kept walking at this strange speed
you kept going in angles and it confused me
i think maybe you were thinking that you'd make me disappear
by walking at strange speeds and in a strange and curvy way
but how would that cause me to vanish from earth?
and that hurts
why did you want me gone?
that hurts
why?
why?
i don’t know
some things can’t be explained, i guess
the sky, for example, was green that night
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my favorite emotions include ‘brief calmness
in good weather’ and ‘i am the only person alive’
without constant reassurance i feel terribly lonely and insane
i have moved beyond meaninglessness, far beyond meaninglessness
to something positive, life-affirming, and potentially best-selling
i have channeled most of my anger into creating and sustaining an
‘angry face’
i have picked up a medium-size glass of coffee
and used it in the conventional way
because I am conventional in all situations, i’ll be right back
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seen from a great enough distance i cannot be seen
i feel this as an extremely distinct sensation
of feeling like shit; the effect of small children
is that they use declarative sentences and then look at your face
with an expression that says, ‘you will never do enough
for the people you love’; i can feel the universe expanding
and it feels like no one is trying hard enough
the effect of this is an extremely shitty sensation
of being the only person alive; i have been alone for a very long
time
it will take an extreme person to make me feel less alone
the effect of being alone for a very long time
is that I have been thinking very hard and learning about
existence, mortality
loneliness, people, society, and love; i am afraid
that i am not learning fast enough; i can feel the universe
expanding
and it feels like no one has ever tried hard enough; when i cried in
your room
it was the effect of an extremely distinct sensation that ‘I am the
only person
alive,’ ‘i have not learned enough,’ and ‘i can feel the universe
expanding and making things be further apart
and it feels like a declarative sentence
whose message is that we must try harder’
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12. |
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the distances i have described in my poems
will expand to find me
but they will never find me
when my head touches your head
your face hits my face at the speed of light
holding it a little
i want to cross an enormous distance with you
to learn the wisdom of lonely animals with low IQs
i want to remember you as a river
with a flower on it
i’ll be right back
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i don’t think telling someone ‘don’t feel sad’ will console them
you need to do whatever you can to make them feel better
whenever your actions make them feel sad
and not stop until they feel better
read my text message and think about it
you just never seem happy with me anymore
even if i make you laugh
i think the damage i’ve done has become irreversible
i’m surrounded by endless shit
i can’t move
where are you
i just had a dream where i came to nyc but i didn’t tell you and i took
the subway
to your apartment and waited for your roommate to come out so i
could sneak in
then i went into your room and crawled under your sheets from the
end of your bed
and crawled to your face and kissed you then pet and hugged you
and we fell asleep
happy birthday
i drew you an ugly fish comic
will you visit me today?
i want to hold you
and kiss your face
i miss walking with you at night
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14. |
Hoyt–Schermerhorn
07:40
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Christopher Cerrone Brooklyn, New York
Christopher Cerrone (b. 1984) has been commissioned by Los Angeles Philharmonic, Detroit Symphony, and the Cincinnati Symphony, among others and his opera Invisible Cities was a finalist for the 2014 Pulitzer Prize. He was nominated for 2020 and 2022 Grammy Awards. He lives and works in Brooklyn, NY. ... more
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